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There's something I see over and over again with women who come to me for support with their health, their energy, their mood, or symptoms that seem to come out of nowhere. They're trying so hard! They're reading. Learning. Tracking. Adjusting. They're doing everything they can think of to feel better, yet certain patterns keep resurfacing. The same reactions. The same fears. The same cycles that make them wonder what they are missing.

What if the issue isn't effort?

What if part of you is trying to protect you?

That is exactly why I wanted Sheila Wenger to come on the podcast. Sheila is a hypnotherapist who works directly with the subconscious mind, and the way she explains emotional patterns, fear responses, and deeply rooted beliefs lines up so closely with what I see in women’s health. Especially when it comes to stress physiology, nervous system regulation, and chronic symptoms that do not respond to surface level solutions.

What Hypnosis Actually Does And Why It Is Often Misunderstood

Most people have a very distorted picture of hypnosis. They imagine losing control or being made to do something they would never normally do. That image has been shaped by stage shows and movies, not by real therapeutic work.

Sheila explained it this way: Real hypnotherapy does not override your will. It does not take control of your mind. It actually helps you access what you truly want and strengthens that signal in the part of your brain that drives most of your behavior.

In other words, it supports alignment.

And that matters more than people realize, because much of human behavior is not driven by logic or conscious choice. It is driven by subconscious patterning. Those patterns form early, often before we have the language or maturity to interpret what is happening around us.

From a health perspective, this makes so much sense. The body is always adapting to what it perceives as safe or unsafe. If the subconscious interprets something as a threat, even if your adult mind knows it is not, your physiology may still respond as if it is.

The Subconscious Mind Is Designed To Protect You

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was when Sheila described the subconscious as a protector.

Anything overwhelming, frightening, or emotionally intense that happened when you were young can be stored as a reference point. Your system essentially says, we are never going to let that happen again. It builds beliefs and reactions designed to keep you safe from repeating that experience.

That protection can be incredibly intelligent and incredibly limiting at the same time.

She gave an example of a child who had a terrifying encounter with a dog. The subconscious may decide from that moment on that dogs equal danger. Decades later, even if the adult knows a dog is friendly, their body may still tense, brace, or panic. Not because they are irrational. Because a protective program is running.

When you start to view anxiety, avoidance, perfectionism, overthinking, or people pleasing through that lens, something shifts. These are not random flaws. They are adaptations that once served a purpose.

In functional health, we talk about symptoms as signals. Emotional patterns can be understood the same way. They are responses.

Why Time Alone Does Not Heal Emotional Wounds

There is a phrase many of us grew up hearing that time heals all wounds. Sheila offered a different perspective.

It's not time that heals. It's truth.

Time can pass while the nervous system is still holding tension. Years can pass while a belief formed in childhood is still shaping your reactions. But when truth is spoken, seen, or finally acknowledged, something inside can release.

Think about how powerful it feels when someone sincerely admits harm and takes responsibility. Even if decades have passed, that moment of honesty can soften something that felt frozen.

Truth calms the protector. From a mind body standpoint, that is huge. Because when the protector calms, the body often follows.

Emotions Are Signals, Not Problems To Fix

Another piece of our conversation that felt especially important was how Sheila described emotions.

She talked about feelings as an inner guidance system. Not something to suppress or override, but something designed to move information through you.

Anger can signal that something is not right or not fair. Shame can signal that something inside needs awareness and repair. Grief can signal that something mattered deeply.

When emotions are pushed down or ignored, they do not disappear. They tend to surface in other ways, sometimes physically. I see this all the time with clients whose bodies begin speaking what they have not been able to express.

There is a common idea that emotions should pass quickly if we handle them correctly. Sheila gently challenged that. Some feelings move through quickly. Others take time. Grief especially comes in waves that cannot be rushed or forced.

She described emotional processing as moving through tunnels. There are moments when it feels dark, heavy, or uncertain, yet when you come out the other side, there is often more clarity, more strength, and more capacity than before.

That image stayed with me because it feels true to real healing. Not a straight line. Not instant. But meaningful.

The Root Belief That Shapes So Many Lives

When I asked Sheila what belief she sees most often at the core of people’s struggles, her answer came immediately.

I'm not good enough.

This belief can shape decisions, relationships, work, health, and identity. It can make someone hesitate before speaking, second guess their instincts, or avoid opportunities that matter to them. It can also lead to overworking, overgiving, or tolerating treatment that does not feel good.

And when someone lives with that belief long enough, it can affect the nervous system and the body. Chronic stress responses, tension, fatigue, digestive issues, sleep disruption. The body keeps score of what the mind believes.

This is why root cause work matters. Whether we are talking about hormones, digestion, mood, or emotional patterns, addressing surface symptoms without understanding underlying drivers rarely creates lasting change.

What Procrastination And Overthinking Are Often Trying To Do

Sheila also spoke about procrastination in a way I found incredibly compassionate. Instead of seeing it as laziness or lack of discipline, she described it as fear. Fear of doing something wrong. Fear of being judged. Fear of failing. If a part of you believes failure is unsafe, it makes sense that your system would hesitate before stepping into something new. That hesitation is not sabotage. It is protection.

Overthinking can work the same way. Many people who grew up in unpredictable environments learned that safety depended on anticipating everything. Planning. Monitoring. Fixing. Preparing. That pattern can carry into adulthood even when the environment has changed. The nervous system simply has not received the message yet that it is safe to rest.

How To Begin Understanding Your Own Patterns

If you are wondering how to recognize your own root beliefs, Sheila suggested starting with a simple question.

How did your early environment feel?

Not what it looked like from the outside. How did it feel on the inside?

Did you feel safe, calm, and secure? Or watchful, tense, and uncertain? Did joy feel stable or temporary? Did you feel free to express yourself or careful about how you showed up?

If your childhood environment was mostly supportive, you might look at later experiences that had a strong emotional impact. A painful breakup. A betrayal. A moment of rejection. An experience where you felt deeply hurt or exposed.

From there, you can gently ask yourself what belief your system might have formed to prevent that feeling from happening again.

Awareness alone can be powerful. When you see the pattern, you can start to notice when it is running. You can respond with curiosity instead of judgment.

When Healing Changes How You See Yourself

One thing Sheila shared that I deeply appreciated is that when long held patterns begin to shift, it can feel unfamiliar at first.

If you have lived most of your life responding from protection, and that protection softens, you might suddenly realize you do not fully know what you like or want. That is not a problem. It is part of rediscovery.

It can feel a little like being new to yourself.

And there is something hopeful about that, because it means the truest parts of you have been there all along, waiting for space to emerge.

A Closing Thought For The Woman Doing Deep Work

If you are navigating symptoms, stress, or patterns that feel hard to change, I want you to know this.

You are not meant to figure everything out by force.

Your body, your emotions, and your subconscious are not working against you. They are responding, adapting, and trying to protect you based on what they have learned.

When you approach your patterns with curiosity instead of criticism, you create space for something new to happen. And sometimes that space is where real healing begins.

If this conversation resonated with you and you want to explore Sheila’s work, you can visit her at shifthypnosis.org or listen to her podcast Shift Is Happening.

And if you are on your own healing path right now, I hope this reminds you that growth is not a race. It is a process of becoming more fully yourself, one layer at a time.

Lots of love,

Rachel