This weekend I was on call as a hospice nurse. Yesterday, when I was making my visits, I began to feel crushed by the sadness of it all. I had seen four patients, and it was only about 11 am. Each of these four patients has a story and a life that will end soon. They all have family and they all know their end is coming close.

In one moment, a wife of 62 years, asked me when her husband would wake up again. “I am not sure that he will,” I said, as calmly as I could muster, holding back my own tears as I saw her nearly crumble to the floor at the realization that the love of her life and source of her strength was nearly gone.

Another moment, I looked into the glassy eyes of a man who looked back, not at me, but at something in the great beyond. I knew he would be gone by the end of the day.

As I drove on, to my next visit, the weight of it all began to settle in. Then, I began to think about the state of the world and all the suffering that is behind closed doors and on the television.

My natural tendency is toward depression, sadness, and negativity. It’s true. In fact, everything that I teach, I practice, on a daily basis. I have to. It saves my life. Daily. If I let my natural tendencies run the show, I’d be fully medicated or maybe a drunk on the floor. Thankfully, I found a new way.

As I drove on, and let the tears escape from my tired eyes, something caught my eye. It was the clouds. Those puffy white cumulus clouds, suspended in the sky, like a miracle. The sun was (finally) shining through the clouds and the temperature was rising. Suddenly, my focus changed. I saw the beauty of those clouds, and of the rolling fields passing by on my left and on my right, as I drove.

I began to think about the joy I saw in all that chaos and sadness. The tiny pockets of peace that exist everywhere, if you look. I remembered the family members, who are lovingly caring for those that are nearly gone. I saw the nurse and nurses aide, at the facility where one of my patients lived. They are overworked and likely underpaid, but they were kind and they were doing their best.

You see, you can choose whether or not to allow the hard things and the sad things to crush your soul. Sometimes it feels like there are a pile of bricks laying on top of me. As I focus on those pockets of peace and joy, the bricks become lifted off, one by one, until I am free.

There are a lot of sad and hard things happening now. In the world, in your life, in the life of your neighbors. We never know what is behind someone’s closed door. No matter what the chaos of this life brings, there is also joy, and there is also peace. It is not always apparent. Sometimes, you have to search, like a miner, looking for a lost diamond.

Keep searching, my friend, because joy and peace can be found. Take moment to list five things that bring you joy or allow you to feel peace. Write them down, or speak them into your phone voice recorder. Do this. It will take less than a minute.

Notice your perspective shift. Notice your state of being shift. We can be in the murk and the mire and we can still find the joy. This takes conscious action. For many of us, it doesn’t happen by accident. We have to choose to place down our burdens and pick up the peace and the joy.

Those beautiful puffy clouds brought me back yesterday. They reminded me to be present and to be grateful. They reminded me of the joy that was hidden in all those hard things.

What brings you back? Seek joy and peace like your life depends on it. Because it does.

Always remember: You matter. Your life matters. It is time to live the life that you were designed to live.

With so much love,

Rachel