As an instructor of mediation and yoga for many years, I have taught that your ability to find the present moment is directly tied to the amount of peace you will experience in your life.

I have said things like: “In the present moment, there is no worry, anxiety, or fear. Those emotions have roots in the past or in the future.”

This is mostly true, most of the time. But, what about other hard emotions?

What happens when something very hard is happening right in front of your face—in the present moment? And the feelings you have are gut-wrenching sadness or anger? These emotions do exist in the present moment.

My dad is experiencing a type of dementia that changes his behavior. And it’s been gut-wrenchingly sad and I have been angry. I won’t go into detail about this yet, but I will at some point. Who he is now, is a mere shell of the man that he once was. In fact, the hardness of what he has become sometimes feels like it will swallow me.

And I know that many of you have hard things in your life—that can feel like too much.

How can you find peace in the present moment when what is right in front of you is awful, hard, sad, anger-inducing …

Recently, when I was feeling the weight of my sadness over this unfair thing, I had a memory flash. It was of my dad playing his accordion (or the old-fashioned squeeze box) at a nursing home. I remember it like it was yesterday. He played old time hymns to a room full of aging residents and they loved his visits. That is who my dad once was. Then another flash came rushing in. He was taking us on a hike to this amazing place in the hills of Pennsylvania and I was asking him if God created all of this. And another flash and another… Soon gratitude flooded my spirit. Sure, that wasn’t the present moment. But those memories helped me to feel peace in the middle of a great sadness. I was able to allow the sadness and the anger to pass through me instead of take up residence.

When the present moment feels too hard, how can you still find peace? Maybe it can be found in a memory of the way something used to be. Maybe you just need to allow these feelings to move on through, not getting stuck, but feeling them.

What things can you do to preserve your peace during a hard time?

Your ability to find peace is also directly tied to your ability to accept the things that you cannot change. We hold on to the way that things used to be and we suffer. (This is another blog post all together.)

I have written extensively on the Power of Feeling and the Power of Acceptance, in my book, that is coming out soon. I highly recommend that you read it because accepting these hard things and learning to feel has been a pivotal moment in my own quest for peace.

Lastly, please realize that most people in this world are lost in yesterday and tomorrow. So much so, that worry, anxiety, and fear are the ruling emotions of their lives. They make destructive decisions from these places. And they are so far from what is right in front of them—the present moment—that they would barely understand what you meant if you explained it to them. (I know, I am a recovering one of these exact people.)

This means that many people around you walk around in these negative places and you must protect your own peace and ability to be present and find joy.

When feelings like sadness or anger appear in your life, feel them. Let them move through you. Don’t try to squash them down with something harmful or destructive. (I used to do this too and it will get you nowhere fast.) Go for a walk or write in your journal. Let those feelings process. Write whatever hard stuff is on your mind. When you can get them out, the power those feelings have is diminished.

You see, if you don’t feel them deeply, sadness and anger can turn into worry, anxiety and fear, and these emotions can become the drivers of your life.

Peace is possible and can be found, even during the gut-wrenchingly hard times. We are human and hard times will come.

And now you know what you can do.

Sending you lots of love in this journey we are on. Man, it can be hard sometimes! But there is joy.

Love,

Rachel